you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
