Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Girls should come with a carfax report
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
