so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
