what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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