and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
