Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize