to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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