He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
