i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
