Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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