the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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