I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
