I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
