is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
