Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Randomize
