totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize