Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
