she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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