no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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