ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
