i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
