I'm going to jail i love you
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
