i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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