just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
