wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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