I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
