i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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