dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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