You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
