does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
