no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
