I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
