I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize