Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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