she was so not down for the gang bang
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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