She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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