So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
