i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Me too!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
