it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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