you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
