So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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