thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
