He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
