I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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