she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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