i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
