I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize