The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
