Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
