I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
