I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
