So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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