I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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