I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
