Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
