A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
