tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
They are going to name an STD after you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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