I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
