Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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