I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
