That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
