I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
