My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you had me at cake vodka
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
