Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
