I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
