we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize