YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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