Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
