Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
