he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize