Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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